Bike Riding Anxiety

"My knickers are in a twist."- Lisa Frey

Me and my ride, Blue

A quick post today to let you into my neurotic world.  

Today is Training for Tri day.  We are supposed to do a 20-mile ride today at 6PM.  My bike is in the shop getting a tune-up and some adjustments.  It should be ready by 5PM.  

I have been looking forward to this bike ride all week.  The weather is perfect, my bike will be perfect and I even have my outfit laid out so all I have to do is come home, change my clothes put the bike rack on the truck, get my bike and RIDE!

Herein lies the rub...I have a 3:30 meeting today.  It is an important meeting.  Already some of the members of this committee have stated that they may be arriving late to the meeting.  I MUST leave work by 4:30 in order for me to get home.  

You know where this is going.  The meeting won't start until 3:45 and will drag on until 5PM.  I am not going to make the ride.  I know this.  I am anxious and starting to get upset about it.  

Why do I do this to myself?  Instead of letting life flow, I have already resigned myself to being anxious, watching the clock and getting my knickers in a twist.  I am not in the moment.  I am already trying to come up with plans to ride by myself.  This also makes me anxious as I do not like to ride on the street by myself for fear of getting hit by a car, especially during rush hour.

If I am late, I could ride with the later group who is doing less mileage.  This upsets me too as I am supposed to do 20 miles, not 15 miles or 10 miles.  This is an 'all or nothing' proposition.  'All or nothing' is another dangerous problem I wrestle with.

This is how I get 'stuck'.  I can feel myself getting 'stuck'.  Why can't I enjoy this beautiful day?  Why can't I be grateful for the volunteers that are coming to the 3:30 meeting?  They are taking time out of their beautiful day to meet with me.  If it so happens that I can make the ride, then so be it.  It is what it is.  

But I don't think like that.  Instead, at 9:30 AM I am already worried about what is (or isn't going to happen) at 6PM.  I am going to lose this day to this worry.  I don't want to do that.