"My knickers are in a twist."- Lisa Frey
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| Me and my ride, Blue |
A quick post today to let you into my neurotic world.
Today is Training for Tri day. We are supposed to do a 20-mile ride today at 6PM. My bike is in the shop getting a tune-up and some adjustments. It should be ready by 5PM.
I have been looking forward to this bike ride all week. The weather is perfect, my bike will be perfect and I even have my outfit laid out so all I have to do is come home, change my clothes put the bike rack on the truck, get my bike and RIDE!
Herein lies the rub...I have a 3:30 meeting today. It is an important meeting. Already some of the members of this committee have stated that they may be arriving late to the meeting. I MUST leave work by 4:30 in order for me to get home.
You know where this is going. The meeting won't start until 3:45 and will drag on until 5PM. I am not going to make the ride. I know this. I am anxious and starting to get upset about it.
Why do I do this to myself? Instead of letting life flow, I have already resigned myself to being anxious, watching the clock and getting my knickers in a twist. I am not in the moment. I am already trying to come up with plans to ride by myself. This also makes me anxious as I do not like to ride on the street by myself for fear of getting hit by a car, especially during rush hour.
If I am late, I could ride with the later group who is doing less mileage. This upsets me too as I am supposed to do 20 miles, not 15 miles or 10 miles. This is an 'all or nothing' proposition. 'All or nothing' is another dangerous problem I wrestle with.
This is how I get 'stuck'. I can feel myself getting 'stuck'. Why can't I enjoy this beautiful day? Why can't I be grateful for the volunteers that are coming to the 3:30 meeting? They are taking time out of their beautiful day to meet with me. If it so happens that I can make the ride, then so be it. It is what it is.
But I don't think like that. Instead, at 9:30 AM I am already worried about what is (or isn't going to happen) at 6PM. I am going to lose this day to this worry. I don't want to do that.
